an attempted healing song with a previously learnt Icaros: for the end of residency work in Tulle, France: 04.28.2014~05.22.2014 served as a memorial to the catastrophe happened in South Korea, … Continue reading Icaros_sounds, voice
Luxury villas on the ground full of blood
Murderers danse at night nearby
And you are not even allow to smoke on the premises
@ Central London
Look at these people
Laughing at meeting
Crying for loss
Shouting for money
Smiling for children
Giving to the poor and the blind
Stay just one more minute
And you’ll see 10 billion souls
Coming in and out of the station
With their own histories
Their fights, their occupations
Their colonizations, their monarchies
Their flags blowing lonely
Signifying something that does not give or take
And their ancestors
Heavily placed on their shoulders
Their tanned skins under the R’zza or
The New York Yankees
Imagine for their families and their friends
Their good natures and bad natures
The food they need to eat
The drink they need to drink
The shoe cleaner will look only at your shoes
An – 8 – year – old will ask for a dirham
Tell him to come back later
And he will definitely come back
For a dirham or for a quarter
And for that small green coin
Or perhaps for the gesture
He will finally smile like an-8-year-old should
But he will look into your eyes with his hands placed on his heart
You will see how he is already too much of a grown up
His ancestors and his country
Already glued to his feet
That march 50 km a day in a less than 1000 mete square
Perhaps he will dream of travelling himself when he gets older
Perhaps such dream is vain and a luxury
That does not exist in the minds
So filled with petrol and horns
Perhaps the passing happenings of everyday life are enough
But then someone might come up to him oneday and say
“You are a smart boy. You look good. You know things. You should get out of here. You should see the world and see life. Live life while you live.”
And if the voice comes from both outside and inside
Perhaps he will go – just pack up and go
Into the world of terror and confusion
World of love and sadness
World of war and silence
World of tears and violence
World that he knew too well
World that he already learnt
When he was 8 years old
Cleaning shoes at the Gare Routier
Written at the Mahatta, Inzegane
Have you ever walked alone on a grey day in some village
And watched how the long evening soon become the past ?
How the small brief wind touches our shoulders
Full of question marks.
I make a hat out of these question marks
Question marks without questions.
You may wear it much later in the evening
When there is no reason to use
Body gestures and presumptions that can take us only to the river
But why is it that I say black and you look at the black sheep ?
Why is it that I say white and you think of purity ?
What have you done to me two years ago ?
What a strange disease you have passed it to me,
Why am I allowed to love everything that breathes ?
It is a morning’s work
That the moon has started.
It must be carried on
Finished by noon.
Oh ! But my poor poor soul !
You and your colourful thoughts
The thoughts in me like a rainbow in hell.
Better float on the ocean
Than to walk on the fragments.
Then, here comes a shiny boy
Mischiveous smiles and wild imaginations.
I wanna play hide & seek with you.
But he frowns at my smiles.
Smiles of fragile minds
Frowns of fragile minds
How we read the same book
But must live differently.
Like the angry poem I wrote last night
About the girl looking for me in a mountain of sunsets
But what is a language if not a shadow?
What is ‘I’ if not a benefit to ‘you’ ?
Come out of the cave of seriousness,
For it will always be there no matter what.
And do not let what I say to you be forgotten
Like a broken leaf blowing helplessly in apocalyptic storms.
Remember the times of conflicts and wasted sentiments.
I know it hurts growing up:
It hurts to let go of dead poets,
It hurts to come out of the prison
Of your mothers and fathers,
It hurts to hug the one in front of you,
It hurts to express your hatefulness,
It hurts me when she throws at me
The can full of yellow left-over paint.
It hurts her when I throw some blues at her.
Tomorrow she might bring me a camera to hear and a recorder to see
And that’s better for all.
Tomorrow I will be on a different train
To find other brothers and sisters.
Sometime in these doggy dreams of snow
In fields of blossomed flowers,
A chamaleon in silence, glued,
One of the roads must be taken
One of the instruments must be played.
The page of the book that cannot be turned.
I am sorry.
I am sorry.
Now look how selfish are the lovers,
Deciding to love only each other
Promising the stars
Making a pact with the heaven.
What is in between them?
A /, a , or a ! ?
Even the subtlest sand won’t able to go
In between their souls,
Firmer than a self
Firmer than the master with food
Firmer than the old man’s tears from half-closed eyes.
Perhaps they were born in a wrong place
Perhaps they were to born in a different place
Perhaps I was born in a wrong time.
But the world is round,
And so are the dimensions
We try hard to make our thoughts square
That are naturally round.
For we are part of nature and nature is round.
We can be in the same place but in different times
Or, in the same time but in different places.
Out in the forest of paranoia and silence,
Crying the tears of yesterday,
Taking an ideal travel in memory,
The telephone rings
« Girl, you gotta paint some heavenly landscape of your own imagination ! »
I am glad.
Thank you partner in crime
Thank you girl with a double bed
Thank you teacher of plants and stars
Thank you sculptor in rice fields
Thank you child of rational mind
Thank you painful acrobat
Thank you jazz enthusiast
Thank you endeavouring merchant
Thank you idle thinker
Thank you poetic dog
Thank you book keeper
Thank you sensitive lady of the house
Thank you the forgottten souls
A goodbye in future tense.
‘residency’ poem written in Tulle, France
I confess that the name Nietzsche is what drew me into reading him. And I much preferred the music of Beethoven to anybody else’s despite the fact that my music teacher insisted I was better at playing Bach. I believe that names are important. Imagine you happen to buy a copy of Crime and Punishment and it’s written by Martin Smiths instead of Fyodor Dostoyevsky. You might think it is about hammering down some historical buildings, might you not?
When I was in my secondary school we were told to call our teachers with the title of Mr. or Mrs. My favorite teacher was called Mr. Gilbert. I would feel guilty to say that I don’t remember his first name now even though I admired him a lot at that time. Then when I went to the university, we were allowed to call teachers by their first names, Georgia, David, and Paul etc. I called my favorite teacher a plain ‘Sarah’ like I was calling my friends.
I have many different names myself. I have a name in my Birth certificate, which was made by my dad. When I was a kid my dad thought that my name could arouse a bit of cold feeling to be called in winter, so he then made me a winter name that sounds much tender and soft. And my friends made various nicknames for me. Some are just short version of the full name, some are the combination of my and other’s name, and some are not related to my original name at all. It is interesting to see how all these names have different feelings. Naturally it largely depends on who calls it, and how, but each name brings about not only different but also some particular feelings.
In Korea we call someone in various ways. We can call someone by full name like Lee Chang Dong – the Koreans put our family name first. Until we come of age we are called mostly by our first names that are added with ah or ya at the end. For example, if your first name is Sang Wha, you are called ‘Sang Wha ya’ and if it is Mi Ryong, ‘Mi Ryong ah.’ It depends on how the name finishes, with vowel or with consonant. Then we are called by our first name only, like Chang Dong but formally with ssi at the end, like Chang Dong ssi, that kind of means both Mr and Ms. There are some respect forms adding to the names like nim or sonsaengnim. When you would like to call someone who is below your age with respect you can put nim after the name like Lee Chang Dong nim, and for those your superior in age who are respectful we put sonsaengnim like Lee Chang Dong sonsaengnim. Sonsaengnim, combination word of Sonsaeng and nim originally means ‘teacher’ and the highest form of respect, but nowadays we use that word more broadly and tend to call people we respect or those socially respectful people. People feel flattered when they are called by their full name with sonsaengnim at the end.
In Arabic when they address a person they use ya (يا). It should come before the name, so it is not optional, like ‘How are you, ya Layla.’ In Spanish, names are much longer. They normally have two sets of first name and two sets of family name. My Spanish-speaking friend in my secondary school told me that she fancied (something like) ‘Jose Antonio Gonzalez Marquez.’ I was like what you like both Jose and Antonio? They usually put their parents’ names in their own names. The weird and wonderful Spanish artist we know as Salvador Dali’s original name is Salvador Domingo Felipe Jacinto Dali i Domenech! They also have nicknames using diminutives. One I knew was called Isa, but sometimes she was called Chavelita or simply Bela and her ‘real’ name, of course, was Isabel.
South American countries like to put ‘ito’ or ‘ita’ at the end of their names, which means ‘smaller’ but is used for expressing something with affection. Chica is a Spanish word for a girl, and Chiquita is a small girl, but it does not necessarily mean that she is under aged. It is just used to show the affection for the girl and perhaps to indicate a certain femininity of the girl. Russians have various forms of naming too. Maria is called Masha between close relationships. Then there is Machenka or Marusya when they are even more intimate. It is always so marvelous to see how every language has their own special styles in naming.
In an article in the Science section of Guardian in 2007 it was reported that apparently baby girls with “very feminine names, such as, Anna, Emma or Elizabeth, are less likely to study math or physics after the age of 16.” In this respect we can say that the naming now seems to be considered as more and more important part of our social background, recognition and status.
I have never yet met anyone from the States who’s named after Alfie, and yet it used to be the most popular name for boys in the UK. The name Charlie also is popular for both men and women. I remember when I met someone in London and I said my name was Cha, he did not get it straightaway but when I said “Well… Call me Charlie if you want” he started to call me by Charlie ever since.
Names can reveal much information about the owner of the name, like where he/she is from, what background he/she is from, and sometimes it even gives strong aura whether he/she is strong or fragile minded. Studies show that names even affect the shaping of one’s personality. Sometimes you say you really are so ‘John-like’ whatever that means, or you really are ‘not like Natasha’ whatever that means.
Naming has a far more important and special meaning in one’s life in Korea. Name always has some serious meaning. I think naming a person is something like titling a book or a film, except that you don’t get to choose. Maybe that is one of reasons why it is popular in Korea to go to the naming house to change one’s name later when someone feels that he/she is not in good luck in life or couples going to fortunetellers to know whether they are ‘compatible’ through looking at their names. Two of my cousins changed their names too and I could never get that.
My name has a meaning too. It’s after one of the mountain ranges in Korea that can be seen far from the house I was born. Far-fetched or not, perhaps that is why sometimes I can be quite idealistic in my thoughts? I often feel that things people highly praise don’t touch my heart. I look for something that is not just good but has to be the ONE! Although I much prefer rivers and seas to mountains, maybe someday I will need to move into mountainside and start contemplating as they do in Korea. Maybe then, I would become a person with the capacity for embracing life in my wide arms and soothing other people. Perhaps then I will be able to appreciate ‘good’ as good and not only ‘the best’ as good (!)
우리는 잠에 든다.
해는 우리를 바라본다.
As time well passes before our eyes and feet, my husband so often says things like “I would like to be buried in Korea, do not send me away.” or “We gotta be buried together in one spot, so come next to me when it’s also your time.” It bothers me for I am well aware of the age difference between us. Of course as life kindly teaches us, it is not according to how old you are, but the chance is and especially when you love someone so much, I might have to be aware of the fact that I might see him with his eyes closed when mine eyes still wide open. Ya’aburnee.
I came across this phrase by chance. It reminded me of where my husband is actually from. A boundary between Europe, Africa and the Middle East. Or rather, a mixture of the three. We speak mostly in English to one another and have spent the largest amount of time together in Europe, so, sometimes I forget where he is from. (and where I am from too!) Since I was young, I was always attracted to Arabic cultures for some reason. (without any reason really) Now I sigh and say “After all, choices are made by selves.” I remember seeing Aladdin for the first time in my teen and promising myself I will be with someone like Aladdin; dark-skinned, smart, fun, romantic, kind, courageous and loves a monkey!
So here I am, in a relationship near to 10 years with ‘my Aladdin.’ There are times when I become a witch woman to prove my points to him and end up raising my voice just like any other couple, but I am happy in the end that I have found someone I can truly say that I want to spend the rest of my life with but also that I want to be buried with.
Ya’aburnee Habibi. I won’t be bothered with thoughts that give only sadness and never answers. I might die first. You might die first. That is up to the Mystery. The important thing is that right now I am holding your hands (most of time we do, of course not right now, unfortunately) and you holding mine. We live in harmony if harmony is the balance of life energies. We have finally accepted it. As long as we are together, it won’t matter who ‘goes’ first. In fact, I don’t hope I do first. That would be as much sad as you going first.
Habibi stay with me and I will stay with you, in this world and beyond.