يقبرني

As time well passes before our eyes and feet, my husband so often says things like “I would like to be buried in Korea, do not send me away.” or “We gotta be buried together in one spot, so come next to me when it’s also your time.” It bothers me for I am well aware of the age difference between us. Of course as life kindly teaches us, it is not according to how old you are, but the chance is and especially when you love someone so much, I might have to be aware of the fact that I might see him with his eyes closed when mine eyes still wide open. Ya’aburnee.

I came across this phrase by chance. It reminded me of where my husband is actually from. A boundary between Europe, Africa and the Middle East. Or rather, a mixture of the three. We speak mostly in English to one another and have spent the largest amount of time together in Europe, so, sometimes I forget where he is from. (and where I am from too!) Since I was young, I was always attracted to Arabic cultures for some reason. (without any reason really) Now I sigh and say “After all, choices are made by selves.” I remember seeing Aladdin for the first time in my teen and promising myself I will be with someone like Aladdin; dark-skinned, smart, fun, romantic, kind, courageous and loves a monkey!

So here I am, in a relationship near to 10 years with ‘my Aladdin.’ There are times when I become a witch woman to prove my points to him and end up raising my voice just like any other couple, but I am happy in the end that I have found someone I can truly say that I want to spend the rest of my life with but also that I want to be buried with.

Ya’aburnee Habibi. I won’t be bothered with thoughts that give only sadness and never answers. I might die first. You might die first. That is up to the Mystery. The important thing is that right now I am holding your hands (most of time we do, of course not right now, unfortunately) and you holding mine. We live in harmony if harmony is the balance of life energies. We have finally accepted it. As long as we are together, it won’t matter who ‘goes’ first. In fact, I don’t hope I do first. That would be as much sad as you going first.

Habibi stay with me and I will stay with you, in this world and beyond.

2 thoughts on “يقبرني

  1. I told my hubby last night before I went to bed “Don’t die too early.”
    I told you that I always say to him “Die quickly or live for long long time.” but I know deep inside of me knows I can’t avoid something I am most afraid of. nevertheless, I like when he says “I’m not planning to die” though. somehow It seems really crazy sometimes, so I ask myself “what are you doing?!” but soon after I feel so good realizing that I am with someone doing crazy stuff together and It’s coool.

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